She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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