so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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