If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
