i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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