Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think your dad took our porno
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
