please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
