1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wish there were birth control emojis
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
