Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
