How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
