I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
