It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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