Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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