Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
