remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
