Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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