I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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