Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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