Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
