He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
