I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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