Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
