I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
