then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
