Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
