I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
