do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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