i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
