idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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