so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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