no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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