Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
