Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
