why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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