I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
third nipple confirmed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
