dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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