Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
