I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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