i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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