...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
