do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
PANTIES FOUND
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
