Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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