I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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