did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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