did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
