Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You just made me feel so damn special
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
