You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
