I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I came so hard my ears popped.
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