he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
