Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
