I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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