is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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