My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
