He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
