do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
