I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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