Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
