oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
