walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
