'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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