I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
