I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish you could order shots online.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
