So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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