he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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