you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
