I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
