How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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