By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
