you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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